The root cause of unhappiness? Perception.
Mental health is such a complex subject it's not possible to pigeonhole, let alone cure with one broad brush. However, I do believe a lot of unhappiness, especially in the early year of teenage angst, is caused by perception; of yourself, how other perceive you and how you perceive others.
We spend a lot of our time navel-gazing. We can't help it. We're an inherently selfish species, just ask John Nash and Thomas Hobbes. People - especially women - analyse, over analyse and dissect everything. We're constantly looking for existential answers, affirmation and to assuage our insecurities through others. However, perception is all relative.
I confess, I spent most of my youth yearning to be someone completely different. I wanted to be like the other tall, skinny, Aryan girls I was surrounded by; in the media and in real life. They seemed to have it all; the looks, the social life, the money, the prospects. Then I almost buckled under the weight of cultural expectation. To quote My Big Fat Greek Wedding, I was expected to marry a Greek man, have lots of Greek children and feed them all.
It wasn't until I grew up, I realised what was expected of me and what appears to be perfect isn't what I value or who I am. Imagine the disappointment when I finally plucked up the courage in my early twenties to tell my family I didn't agree with marriage and I didn't want children. I was almost sent to Bedlam for this heresy. Then I realised beauty, relationships, success and material things didn't equal happiness. And most importantly, that everyone wears a mask to disguise what's really going on. Suddenly, I didn't feel like such an outsider.
In my case, I measured my self-worth through how I saw myself in comparison to others, what I thought society, friends and family expected of me. It also drove me doolally thinking I was a failure for not earning a six-figure salary by the time I was 25 or having married and had children by 30 or simply what others think of my weirdness.
This pressure to conform is ultimately what makes people unhappy in their otherwise cushy lives. It wasn't until I stopped caring what people thought of me, stopping trying to please others while not being true to myself and stopped comparing myself to other people that become contented with myself and my life. I embraced and promoted my weirdness, it's what makes me unique and memorable. Then the people around you are comfortable exposing their weirdness. Then you realise you're not that weird after all and even if you are, it doesn't matter because you're you.
Of course, there's always room for improvement and aspirations. We're always evolving as individuals and our priorities change, however just be happy with what you have. Appreciate the simpler things and be quietly pleased with yourself about what you've achieved - no matter how small. And don't worry about other people - they're going through all of this too.
First published 26/08/15
We spend a lot of our time navel-gazing. We can't help it. We're an inherently selfish species, just ask John Nash and Thomas Hobbes. People - especially women - analyse, over analyse and dissect everything. We're constantly looking for existential answers, affirmation and to assuage our insecurities through others. However, perception is all relative.
I confess, I spent most of my youth yearning to be someone completely different. I wanted to be like the other tall, skinny, Aryan girls I was surrounded by; in the media and in real life. They seemed to have it all; the looks, the social life, the money, the prospects. Then I almost buckled under the weight of cultural expectation. To quote My Big Fat Greek Wedding, I was expected to marry a Greek man, have lots of Greek children and feed them all.
It wasn't until I grew up, I realised what was expected of me and what appears to be perfect isn't what I value or who I am. Imagine the disappointment when I finally plucked up the courage in my early twenties to tell my family I didn't agree with marriage and I didn't want children. I was almost sent to Bedlam for this heresy. Then I realised beauty, relationships, success and material things didn't equal happiness. And most importantly, that everyone wears a mask to disguise what's really going on. Suddenly, I didn't feel like such an outsider.
In my case, I measured my self-worth through how I saw myself in comparison to others, what I thought society, friends and family expected of me. It also drove me doolally thinking I was a failure for not earning a six-figure salary by the time I was 25 or having married and had children by 30 or simply what others think of my weirdness.
This pressure to conform is ultimately what makes people unhappy in their otherwise cushy lives. It wasn't until I stopped caring what people thought of me, stopping trying to please others while not being true to myself and stopped comparing myself to other people that become contented with myself and my life. I embraced and promoted my weirdness, it's what makes me unique and memorable. Then the people around you are comfortable exposing their weirdness. Then you realise you're not that weird after all and even if you are, it doesn't matter because you're you.
Of course, there's always room for improvement and aspirations. We're always evolving as individuals and our priorities change, however just be happy with what you have. Appreciate the simpler things and be quietly pleased with yourself about what you've achieved - no matter how small. And don't worry about other people - they're going through all of this too.
First published 26/08/15
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