The Holy Land: the place I lost my religion

Even though I am a woman of faith, I have a very rudimentary knowledge of religion. All I know is what I was taught in school. And I've only been to church a handful of times (not including weddings, Christenings and funerals) and even then, I didn't have a clue what was going on.

Faith is important. It gives the hopeless hope. It offer respite from the chaos. On the whole, it teaches us good things, like the importance of enlightenment, that we shouldn't judge each other and love. People turn to faith when they're in crisis or need comfort in grief or worry. And I wouldn't begrudge anyone that.

I went to the Holy Land hoping for some sort of understanding why people are so fanatical and entrenched in these rituals and superstitions that hold no parallel with the teaching of the prophets for the three Abrahamic religions. I mean, there's even a psychological phenomena called Jerusalem Syndrome for people who are so taken by the idea of spiritual transcendences, it drives them mad.

However, every thesis needs an antithesis. And I'm it.

I found the whole of Jerusalem disgusting. Not in terms of its ancient majesty, quaint narrow lanes and unrivalled amenities. I found all the pilgrims, holy men and security abhorrent - displaying all of the seven deadly sins.

Let's start with security. I understand Jerusalem is on high alert given its close proximity to Palestine and the presence of the Muslim Quarter in the east. However, is giving a bunch of 18 year olds machine guns to play with really the best way to keep everyone safe? An 18 year old boy - impressionable, hormone driven, lacking in the empathy gene, know-it-all - given arms that could wipe out an entire family in seconds.


Not only does this seem a woeful misjudgement. But the soldiers aren't very nice. I don't mean to Muslims, I mean to everyone. They closed off the entrance to one of Christendom's holiest sites - the Church of The Holy Sepulchre - on the holiest day of the Orthodox calendar, Good Friday.

About a hundred people, including priests, nuns, old people and children, gathered behind the crowd barriers waiting to be let in to hear the holy liturgy of Jesus's epitaph. They were guarded by about 20 armed soldiers with machine guns and a few lads from a charity organisation called Seed of Better Life (they did everything but give fellow Christians a "better life") for about three hours. The reason for this is unclear.

The next day is the festival of the holy fire. The security sealed off the entire old city of Jerusalem before midday and let hoards of people melt under intense Middle-Eastern heat for four hours. It was here I told an eaves-dropping priest that the Holy City was no longer holy. That humanity had left and I was to follow suit.

Later that afternoon, when the city was finally opened up. The Coptic Orthodox Church held a parade outside the Ethiopian Monastery of the Christian Quarter. As you can see, everyone was dressed up, singing and clapping.

Behind followed a dustbin van... despite the Muslim Quarter burst at the seams with refuse and the bins of Jaffa Gate overflowing. Jerusalem's authorities thought the best times to clean the streets of the Christian Quarter was right behind an Ethiopian religious parade during the holiest weekends *slow claps*.


This wasn't the end for the poor Coptics. Roads leading the Holy Sepulchre were blocked off by police just as they were approaching. As more and more people piled in, the roads were starting to look like Hillsborough (apt considering it was around this time the survivors won their court case).

To be honest, I found everyone in Israel unnecessarily aggressive, rude, unhelpful, arrogant and unwelcoming... Before they revoke my Labour Party membership, that's not anti-Semitic, it's pro-human.

The same could be said for the pilgrims and holy men of the city, apart from that would be a rather broad brush and I would be tarring some genuinely lovely people.

Finally, and probably most importantly, onto my contempt for all organised religion. While visiting all these holy places, Christ's baptism site, Moses's mountain, Mary's conception place, Jesus's last steps, I noticed a common theme. A Byzantine church.

Isn't it unusual that one of the oldest Christian churches, scrabbling to gain relevance and a faithful flock, should have the money and education to build a church wherever the Bible told them. Even now, there's no archaeological evidence to prove that the church on the corner is place Jesus fell down for the first time during his Passion. It feels to me that the founders of this church were particularly good at business and masters at marketing.

How could the son of a carpenter, a teacher and a convicted criminal possibly afford a cut and polished marble slab for his body to lay on after he was removed from the cross. His mother couldn't afford it, she was married to a carpenter. His flock couldn't afford it, they were all poor (rich people hated him). So where did the Stone of the Unction come from?? There's a story that the cross Jesus died on was on display, but pilgrims started biting bits out of it until there was nothing left. Did the church run out of glass cabinets or ropes to suspend it out of reach??

People kiss the glass cabinet that protects the rock and column where Jesus was respectively stripped and whipped (not in a Max Moseley way). How do we know this? Because these rocks came from an area near the Roman courthouse and prison where we can safely assume Jesus was trialled??

Basically, it's a chicken and egg situation. What came first, Jesus or money grabbing priests building churches to attract people and therefore money? A bit like Disneyland building a new roller-coaster.

A bit further up from the church is the Wailing Wall and Temple Mount/Dome of The Rock. This is the holiest place Muslims and Jews alike. Now, let's break this down...

Jews believe the rock underneath Temple Mount is the centre of the universe and where God created mankind. It's also believed to be the alter where Abraham was to sacrifice his son Isaac. This is where King Solomon  of Israel built the first temple. It's the reason Israel is where it is and why they're killing Arabs over it. However, if this is the case then it belongs to all humans, as we're all citizens of the universe and members of the human race. I don't know why Zionists think that this lays some sort of claim of this land.

It's like saying Ancient Greece built temples in northern India, so they should invade and recolonise because they built something of religious significance there once. Also, Abraham was from Mesopotamia and the Israelites were Egyptian, they were exiled there so why have a biggest hard on for it... Having been there, it's not that great. Greece, Turkey, Egypt and Cyprus are much more beautiful and bountiful.

Now Muslims (who officially control the site) believe this is the place Muhammed ascended to heaven to pray with Jesus, Moses and Abraham and hearing from Allah that they should pray towards Mecca. Apparently (non-Muslims are not allowed near the site) the footprint of Muhammed is on the rock. This to me makes the site specifically Muslim - even though Islam came along afterwards and the Quran cites people an events from the Bible and Talmud. You could argue, they did this on purpose.

At this stage, I'd like to point out that a lot of ancient sites are underneath current, working churches that scientist can't get to. So the foundations of the Holy Sepulchre may indeed be concealing the body of Jesus. Religion is blocking science from proving or disproving the existence of Christ - which shows there can't be much faith there. However, this isn't what people were elbowing each other to get to.

I'm four foot nothing and I was physically moved out of the way by a six foot Russian so he could get a better view of a the tomb while the liturgy was going... which was in a different part of the church. A middle-aged lady told me off for trying to pull my mum out of a scrum after they opened the entrance to the tomb because I would be unintentionally moving her from her place (to see a fucking rock the size of a shoebox). And a middle-aged man elbowed me twice to get to the tomb. Priests pushed and shouted at their faithful flock and people argued over places to see priests doing not very much. Is this Christianity or is it insanity??

Especially the chap who decided to 'guide' us down Via Dolorosa, when I thanked him and told him his services weren't required, he scolded me saying that I value money more than I value education... Coming from a man who wanted me to pay him for educating me. If he was so interested in spreading the gospel of God, he'd do it for free. Not exploit naive and polite tourists or the desperate faithful.

What happened to help the lesser man, love thy neighbour, thy shalt not worship idols and not using temples to financial gain?? Hmmm, it's clearly not the teaching of Jesus people care about. It's the dress-wearing, incense swinging, bearded magpies who sing odes to the father, son and holy ghost instead of teaching about tolerance and love. I mean, look how the priests behave. And they're supposed to be exemplary citizens dedicated to God.

Basically, religion holds no baring on faith. It's a completely different set of rules set up to control people and gain financially.

If you believe in God, pray when the moment takes you. You don't need to go to an ornate church to light a candle and kiss an icon. If you need guidance; read scripture and follow your conscience, don't seek the counsel of a priest who's trained in blessing wine and wearing robes. If you're looking for repent and absolution; learn, apologise and correct your wrongs or do something good for mankind or the planet, don't grace a collection tray with money. If you need contemplation, go for a walk and enjoy God's creation. Whatever you do, don't give any more fucking money or credence to the church.

First published 12/05/2016

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