People are forever questioning what love really is. How do you know you're in love? And how do you know you'll stay in love? When this question is posed, people stumble and scratch around trying to articulate it.
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The only way to truly quantify what love is requires quoting song lyrics, mostly Adele. Or the standard 'you just know' answer. Personally, I think it's more prescriptive than that and it can be found in the pages of the good book. Love shows itself in seven different and distinct ways:
I know what you're thinking, how can these be translated into my relationship. Well, that bit is really easy:
Translated this means... see how many of these scenarios are familiar:
Should your relationship display any of the above, it's not a healthy relationship. I'm not saying there should never be conflict in a relationship, there always will be but you can't hold a grudge or let this alter your view of them. One keeps eggs in the fridge and the other doesn't. You accept it to the point where you don't notice it. Or know that it annoys your partner so you change your behaviour to make them happy.
This person is in your every waking thought and would do anything to make them happy. Seeing them happy, makes you happy. Not because you want a quiet life, but because they deserve your devotion due to the devotion that they, in turn, show you. If there's one digestive left, you half it without thought. You always make two cups of tea, even when you haven't been asked. And you pick up a bag of pickled onion Monster Munch while on a petrol run because your partner loves them.
My favourite TV couples are Tom and Barbara Goode from The Goode Life for their closeness, inter-dependency and enjoyment of each other's company. Also (more worryingly), Claire and Frank Underwood from House of Cards for their unflinching honesty, equality, acceptance and support - they're an unbreakable and ruthless army of two.
The only way to truly quantify what love is requires quoting song lyrics, mostly Adele. Or the standard 'you just know' answer. Personally, I think it's more prescriptive than that and it can be found in the pages of the good book. Love shows itself in seven different and distinct ways:
- Chastity
- Temperance
- Charity
- Diligence
- Patience
- Kindness
- Humility
I know what you're thinking, how can these be translated into my relationship. Well, that bit is really easy:
- Being faithful, not just physically but emotionally too
- Nobility, putting your partner and joined lives before yourself
- Generosity, even if it means sacrifice to please your partner
- Commitment, even when times get tough, devotion should not falter
- Acceptance, people aren't perfect so love your partner's faults
- Compassion, understanding your partner
- Equality, a relationship isn't a power play
- Lust
- Gluttony
- Greed
- Sloth
- Wrath
- Envy
- Pride
Translated this means... see how many of these scenarios are familiar:
- No flirting with intent, no snogging or sexting, The thought of being with another is repulsive - even if it's Aiden Turner topless in field with his mighty big scythe. Not insisting on eating the best tatties from the roast, cook vegan food for your carnivore partner, not giving them your last Rolo. Making everything about you, your interests, your TV shows, your music, your films.
- Not sharing funds, expecting your partner to pay for everything. You buy your partner a brand new car, while they buy you a ball of wool. Insisting on watching every episode of Top Gear back-to-back for a whole weekend. Always going out with their friends, seeing their family while having no time for your own.
- Expecting your partner to do everything, pay the bills, clean the toilet, put up the shelf, drive everywhere, go to the bar, stay in to wait for a delivery.
- When any nuance gives you the rage. The sound they make when they chew, the way they insist on criticising everything you say and do, how they never put the vacuum cleaner away.
- Being jealous of your partner, don't envy of their career, social life, joie de vivre, family, dress sense, car, etc.
- Never being able to admit you're wrong or saying sorry. Also, not being able to communicate, letting ego get in the way of discussing your feelings.
Should your relationship display any of the above, it's not a healthy relationship. I'm not saying there should never be conflict in a relationship, there always will be but you can't hold a grudge or let this alter your view of them. One keeps eggs in the fridge and the other doesn't. You accept it to the point where you don't notice it. Or know that it annoys your partner so you change your behaviour to make them happy.
This person is in your every waking thought and would do anything to make them happy. Seeing them happy, makes you happy. Not because you want a quiet life, but because they deserve your devotion due to the devotion that they, in turn, show you. If there's one digestive left, you half it without thought. You always make two cups of tea, even when you haven't been asked. And you pick up a bag of pickled onion Monster Munch while on a petrol run because your partner loves them.
My favourite TV couples are Tom and Barbara Goode from The Goode Life for their closeness, inter-dependency and enjoyment of each other's company. Also (more worryingly), Claire and Frank Underwood from House of Cards for their unflinching honesty, equality, acceptance and support - they're an unbreakable and ruthless army of two.
First published 29/04/2015
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