Politics; showbusiness for ugly people... And I'm not talking about the politicans #GE2015

Yesterday we all (well, some) hit the polling stations to try and restore balance after 5 years of a money motivated government who have screwed over the poor and disadvantaged. This effort was in vain, as the Tories romped home with 331 seats (51% of the vote). So, what does this mean and what happens now?

In this election, there was only one winner and it's not the guy at Number 10, it's Nicola Sturgeon with 56 seats (9% of the vote). She was consistent, progressive, natural and left. She was the leader that the Labour party desperately needed. That's not to say Ed isn't good. He certainly warmed up during the campaign, but he wasn't "Labour" enough. 

The biggest losers are the Liberal Democrats. I have a little soft spot for them because I am a liberal socialist. And how can you not admire the party of Lloyd George, John Stuart Mill and William Gladstone. The party that gave us the welfare system and reform. A force to be reckoned with has been reduced to 8 seats at 1% of the vote. 

David Cameron on the other hand seemed half-arsed. He wasn't bothered. He didn't talk to the electorate and he barely spoke to journalists. He probably wanted out, but the strapline of 'we sorted the economy' seemed to land with people. Unfortunately, the majority of people in this country are doing ok. With an 'I'm alright, Jack' attitude, we forgot that:

I would say the left and liberals lost in England because its politicians are out of touch and old-fashioned. But the Tories got in with a majority government and no one could be more out of touch and old fashioned than that party. Is it Murdoch's influence over the electorate? Is it because memories of the banking crisis are still fresh and we don't want to rock a seemingly steady boat? Is it because intelligent people are nihilists?

This election also taught us the value of first-passed-the-post democracy. UKIP got 3 million votes, but thank the lord that they only won in one constituency. Compared to the SNP who got 1.4 million votes but won 56 seats in Parliament. I mean, yes Scotland has a smaller population and the SNP has its niche, but if it wasn't for FPTP, we could've seen UKIP celebrating instead. And I'm hoping Nicola Sturgeon and her party don't prove themselves to be divisive nationalists. I hope that once they've set foot in the corridors of power, they'll want a hand in running the 6th wealthiest economy and one of the world's superpowers.

What we need are parties with a USP and have the interest of the people at heart. Along with charismatic leaders that people admire, respect and listen to. That's what the SNP have. 

Just like our fashion sense, jobs, streets, homes and buying habits; our political parties have also become homogenised. No one really knows what they're voting for. Is it that posh, rich, white guy or this posh, rich, white guy? When really we should be saying:

• Liberal democrats - the party for intellectual radicals
• Labour - the party for the working man, run by working men
• Tories - the party for rich people who want to be richer
• Greens - the party for crackpot hippies
• TUSC - the party for Marxists

Stereotypically, this is what these parties are associated with, however their actions and policies don't reflect this.

This election will rock politicians' confidence. Being a high profile big name doesn't secure you a seat. I mean, Ed Balls has a whole day dedicated to him and he's in the dole queue, along with #CoolEdMilliand/#Millifandom who would've won if the election was based on clicks, tweets, retweets and hashtags.

The general election has given politics a kick up the bum. All the opposition parties will start to work harder and the SNP will want to make a point. So what political parties need now is a massive rebrand.

First published 02/05/2015