RED's #Glasto2015 round up

Well folks, that's it. We've done another Glastonbury. Well, the people actually at Worthy Farm did Glastonbury, I did it from the comfort of my sofa in Reading. The beer was cold, the toilets were clean and the floors were free of half-eaten noodles. So, these are my thoughts about this year's cacophony, controversy and cool.

Worst bits:

• Cuntney Barnett. Not a spelling mistake. Her voice, lyrics, music and face make me irrationally angry. The woman must have some serious money behind her, maybe the Australian music industry doesn't have anything else to spend its money on, as there is no other way her obnoxious, nasally, out of tune shite would get so much radio play. And she was bloody rude to our Lauren Laverne, who quite rightly gave her a dressing down about it.
• Charli XCuntX. She's awful. What the hell was she wearing! Wednesday Adams on acid has to be the second most irritating human being. Her music is meh and she is ewwww.
• Lonely Island. This wasn't their name, that's what I heard in my head. I was expecting to hear 'I'm on a motherfucking boat', instead it was someone's sweaty, balding, overweight dad on stage wearing a Hawaiian shirt. It's not just this that was disappointing, they were actually rubbish too.
• Kanye. I like him. He's got some cracking tunes. His set did not do him justice. He had me until Black Skinhead and even then it was because of my own anticipation, not because of his stage presence. The lighting was good, but other than that... Sweaty Ken.
• Deadmau5. One word, derivative. Orbital did the lights from the helmet thing, Chemical Brothers did the cage thing and schizophrenia already did the sound. How is he so successful?
• The Libertines. I don't get why this band has such a mythology around them. They sounded out of tune, lacklustre and dated.

Best bits:

• Chemical Brothers. Smashed it. The graphics were amazing. They sounded amazing. It was amazing.
• Clean Bandit. Smashed it.
• Mark Ronson. This guy must have amazing negotiation skills, he got everyone to perform and lovely ode to Amy Winehouse.
• Lianne La Havas. Smashed it. What a voice.
• Suede. A welcome and much needed break from Kanye. And Brett Anderson... those hips, phew!
• Gaz Coombes. Just because I love him.

New discoveries:

• The Staves. Beautiful alt-folk with 3-part female harmonies.
• Ibeyi. Innovative, exciting and sooooo good.

Shout out to all the other people I watched and were good, but didn't make the list; Mavis Staples, George Clinton, Florence + The Machine, Jessie Ware, Alt-J (good but boring), The Maccabees, The Who, Spiritualised and Pharrell Williams.

Also, Pussy Riot meet Charlotte Church, Patti Smith meets the Dalai Lama and Lee Nelson was actually funny for once. Only at Glastonbury.

Must go next year. The site and the non-musical entertainment looked absolutely incredible. The sunshine, the history and spirituality of Glasto make it truly amazing. Take that all other festivals, you've been owned.